Failed Summit Attempt + mental health👇🏻 I still feel a little embarrassed about this but let’s chat about it. A month ago, I attempted to summit Mt Yotei, a 6,000ish ft volcano in Niseko, Japan. This would have been my biggest backcountry tour attempt since I am still pretty new to touring, but everyone in our group agreed it was something I could do. I was stoked. I am no stranger to doing difficult things in the outdoors. With my ongoing anxiety, being outdoors and trying challenging things is one of the only things that quiets my overactive mind. Everything was going fine until about 400ft from the summit. We had already climbed about 5,500 ft up this volcano, but I kept feeling like there was an elephant on my chest. Something was wrong. Then there was an icy traverse and I slipped. I lost my mind. All of a sudden I was terrified. I have been in way sketchier situations before, but my mind started playing tricks on me and it was hard to breathe. I lost all of my confidence which was terrifying since that had never happened to me before. I want to reiterate, I LOVE heights and exposure. For some reason being moments away from death usually brings out my inner child. But this time I was like HELL NO GET ME OFF THIS MOUNTAIN. Thankfully, without hesitation, my friend dug a pit so we could transition and ride down. Thank you again @christopheremilio But as a recovering people pleaser, that’s when the shame kicked in. In the backcountry, if you go up together you go down together. Which meant someone else had to turn around because of me. Sharing this still feels embarrassing. But it’s a reminder to myself and anyone else out there: You don’t have to summit if something feels wrong. Turning around is always an option. One thing a friend said that stuck with me: there’s a difference between being capable and having experience. Technically I was capable of finishing this objective. But I didn’t yet have the experience to handle a sketchy section on my splitboard without losing confidence, which led to a small panic attack near the summit. PS: Please make sure you have proper education (AIARE 1) before traveling in the backcountry.